This from bpdfamily.com
“Men who rescue women and who are drawn to borderline woman have been programmed from childhood to derive their sense of empowerment and self-worth this way, but authentic self-esteem is not dependent on needing to be needed.” Shari Schreiber, M.A.
Women who qualify for a diagnosis of bpd are generally very sweet and romantic. They are also known for their heightened sensitivity. For many men it is these qualities that makes them so appealing. They often make great friends and can be very exciting women to date.
However, the purpose of this article is not to extol the many virtues of borderline women as friends or as casual dates. It is to assist the single man who is looking for a serious long-term relationship in identifying if the woman whom he is dating might have borderline personality disorder.
If this is the case, then he is likely to be in for a tumultuous and often confusing ride, probably not what he had in mind when he went on that online dating site. Incidentally, online dating sites are notorious for their abundance of both borderline women and men.
Here are Twelve signs that the woman you are dating may be suffering with borderline personality disorder:
1. She makes you feel incredibly special and says things to you that no woman has ever said before. (It is called idealizing or idealization and it’s a psychological defense mechanism normally used by children on their parents.) The fact is that she does not really believe that you are any more special than anyone else is.)
2. She buys you very nice, even expensive gifts, very early in the relationship.
3. She quickly begins using the word “love”, often within the first few dates. (It is not real, although she may believe it is, real love does not happen in a week as most emotionally healthy people know.)
4. She makes her ex-husband or ex-boyfriend out to be a bad person, even abusive. (She is most likely exaggerating. In truth, any man who was married to or in a relationship with a borderline woman would certainly have plenty of reasons to be angry, frustrated, confused, and even hurt.)
5. She talks about how her ex cheated on her. (Maybe he did and maybe he did not, but it is just as likely that she cheated on him. Borderline woman are more likely than the average woman to be promiscuous and to cheat in relationships. The reasons are complex and a borderline woman can often justify her own cheating.
6. She had sex with you on the first or the second date. (It may have been an attempt to grab your attention or to try to control you.)
7. She drinks to excess and perhaps uses drugs? (alcohol, prescription drugs, and “recreational drugs” are one of the quickest, most available and efficient ways for those with bpd to soothe their deep emotional pain and anxiety.)
8. She gets very jealous when you talk about other women, even your female friends. (Borderline women are very insecure and they view the other women in your life as a threat. They often develop something called “delusional jealousy” and will imagine that their partner is being unfaithful)
9. She is an amazing lover who will do whatever it takes to please you in bed. (Sex is almost like a weapon for a borderline woman, she will use it to get control of you and secure you. Borderline women also seem to enjoy sex more and are generally more promiscuous. It is believed that the close intimate contact fills the emotional emptiness inside of them.)
10. She is incredibly moody, with periodic bursts of extreme anger, sometimes called borderline rage. (Mood instability is a common clinical feature of borderline personality disorder. Her moods can swing very rapidly, often within hours, from gloomy and depressed to happy to anxious to angry.)
11. She has a very difficult time with compliments. One of the underlying issues with bpd is a sense of being defective, unworthy, and unlovable. Women with bpd generally have low self esteem which borders on “self loathing”; a kind of hatred of oneself. As a result they will often doubt and question the sincerity of your compliments.
12. She has problems accepting blame or apologizing. This is certainly not true of all women with bpd, but it is for many. It is a trait that is common to both narcissists and borderlines; accepting responsibility for their actions. If you are dating a borderline woman and happen to be on the receiving end of her, “inability to accept blame”, it can be quite remarkable.
Despite Hollywood’s often dramatic portrayals of borderline women (i.e., Fatal Attraction, Single White Female, Obsession, etc.) these women are not evil and in general are not out to hurt anyone. They are sensitive and generally very kind people who are truly just looking for love like everyone else.
However, because of the nature of the disorder and the fact that the borderline essentially feels unworthy, defective, or unlovable, she will often be the cause of her own undoing.
Source material: bpdfamily.com; APA 2000; Psychiatric Times.